HeXeRs Metal Massacre

Zuerst die Stories: alt und auf Englisch, aber gut und von mir geschrieben.
Wenn ihr auf die Bandnamen der ersten Geschichte klickt, solltet ihr auf der offiziellen Homepage landen (oder zumindest irgendeinereiner Seite, Stand 16.01.02). Wenn du glaubst, deine Geschichten wären ebenso gut oder besser, schick sie mir einfach. Ich veröffentlich, was gefällt. Und ein Link zu deiner Seite ist dir sicher. Mehr Geschichten (auch auf Deutsch) findest du über das Portal (unter Web Wrath and LARP).

First the stories: old and in English, but good and written by me.
By clicking on the links, you reach the official homepage of the band (at least some page of the band, if there is no official, 16.06.01) If you think your stories are as good or even better than mine, please send them in. I´ll publish what pleases. And a link to your page is granted. More stories (de) can be found through the portal (under Web Wrath and LARP).

Metal lives!
Judas Priest was Sentenced to Death. A Blind Guardian forced him with a Bolt Thrower into to the Iron Maiden. King Diamond called this a Mercyful Fate for someone who tried to use the Necronomicon and a Pentagram to sail on Naglfar. But the Judas Priest got into a Rage and began Running Wild. He was an Immortal at Unrest. He would not yet make his Testament. Instead he called his Stormtroopers of Death. With their Venomous blades and a Demolition Hammer they turned Avalon to Sodom. The Goddess of Desire wouldn´t stand this offence. She declared the old Paradise Lost for this Stormwitch of a being. She sent down a Wicked Angel and an army of Saxons. They brought with them a Jag Panzer, a Pantera and their Doom Sword. Its Virgin Steele was soon coated with blood. They battled on Helloween and Gamma Rays pierced the Iced Earth. The Warlock brought Megadeth to the Mano´war. Still the English Gladiators brought down the Emperor of magic: the Grave Digger dispatched of his Carcass Six Feet Under.

Somewhere far beyond our reality great things happen. The Magician held The Ceremony Of Opposites Beneath the Howling Stars. He called The Number Of The Beast to summon an Army Of Immortals. Many of them were Heeding The Call to Come To The Sabbath. All around the Land Of Ice calls were heard to Join The Army. Even the Painkiller came At The Heart Of Winter. They were sent on a Quest For Tanelorn, the lost city. Once there, they found themselves incapable of destroying the city. They cast upon it the Curse Of The Legions Of Death, it was Raining Blood, but still the city did not fall. Their Powerplant was too strong and the walls held. So the mage sent for the city´s sorcerer. They battled against each other in the War Of The Wizards, and humanity felt its Countdown To Extinction end. But suddenly the wizards Battle Magic took them to Mystic Places unknown. While their leaders were on this Powertrip the army and the besieged city were on their own. The army´s general sent out the Call Of Cthulhu. Out of the Depth Of Hell came Kutulu, the ancient one. He looked upon the city and decided to Ram It Down. Meanwhile in the city the Clairvoyant had found the Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son. he played the Tunes Of War to revive The Jester Race out of Death´s Embrace. Finally The Prophecy would be fulfilled. The Reaper awoke, took the Demon´s Whip and in the end, all human beings were Hacked Up For Barbeque!

GOT IT!? That´s Music (well in fact that was a story, but at least composed mostly of song titles (he who can tell me all bands and the respective album with release date gets HeXeRs one and only Web-Metal-Award)!

One dark, cloudy day, the ruler of the Northern lands, known as Fangface, the Metal Warrior (the leader of the tribesmen from the east), Lemmy (the overlord of the southern cavepeople) and Eddie (Highlord of the western realms) met on the deserted plains in the center of all known lands. They had decided to compete against each other to determine their supreme ruler. The strongest of them should rule all men. They had chosen the Keeper of the Seven Keys to be their judge.
When the Keeper finally arrived under the protection of a mighty thunderstorm, he was eagerly awaited. At first, he declared the rules:

There shall be four contests: the Posing, the Rocking, the Shocking and the free discipline. For each discipline you might summon one of your minions or partake yourselves. The respective winner gets two points. The one who wins most of the points will rule all known lands. In case of a draw a fight shall bring the solution.

The Keeper announced the first contest:"For a start, the posing shall begin!" With these words he summoned a gigantic arena filled with thousands of metalheads. In the middle he placed a stage. "Pick your contestant or enter the ring if you dare!"
Fangface said:"I summon Count Augustus, disciple of the Goddess of Desire to be my warrior." Joey, the Metal Warrior shouted:" Ha, I´m the only real warrior, you´re all whimps, better leave the hall!" Lemmy thought to himself: "I can drink in all poses, it can´t be that diffucult without drinking", and entered the ring. Eddie and Joey soon followed him. The Metalheads began a gigantic singalong of "Seek & Destroy". The four contestants stood in awe. "Sounds like a war tune, could be mine" exclaimed Lemmy. "No way" shrieked Joey, "just me and Wagner can write that good songs. That one is clearly Wagner." With this he started the contest and began to strum his best bass solo ever: he played with his nose, his toes, his hair, his ..., everything. He tossed the bass into the air, around himself but never stopped playing. He played for 25 minutes. Yawns were heard all around the arena when someone shouted: "Someone give him his bass!" The great warrior opened his eyes only to see that he´d forgotten his beloved bass guitar! "Damn it, I must´ve left under my cushion."
"Enough!" That was the Keeper."The next contestant."
Joey stumbled into his corner of the stage.
Eddie walked into the middle of the stage and looked evilly around and started to growl. Like a bodybuilder he made poses. He showed his teeth and flexed his muscles. The crowd started to laugh... The next thing Eddie remembered was sitting in his corner and watching Lemmy standing there. Well, swaying there.
Lemmy tried to stand straight. He grunted "War for war!", thought for a moment and added "I´ve tried all poses: drinking in bed, under the table, in the pool, everywhere, but now my 200 liter whiskey supply is gone. How can I drink in all poses without drinking?" With that he slumped to the ground and was silent. He was carried away by some loyals.
When Count Augustus, fighter for Fangface entered, silence fell on the arena. He was cloaked in fur, leather and chains. His long hair fell like a flowing stream. A light breeze seemed to come up and make his hair fly. Out of his fur he took something colourful. He raised it to his mouth and started to blow. Just seconds later, he held an air-filled, rubber "Flying V" in his hands. And he started posing, shouting the words, humming the melodies, screaming the riffs. After ten seconds the Keeper intervened:"All right, the choice was indeed a good one. Support the underground! The winner is Fangface! Joey and Eddie each get one point for their attempts."

FUTURE ACTS IN FUTURE TIMES!!

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